So Pinterest has these things from a person's bucket list of things to do, and it inspired me. And I want to start blogging on each little thing on that list, however, I am going to start this series off with few things I am thankful I can check off my bucket list.
~ Marrying the man God designed just for me √, dancing in the rain √, owning a puppy √, getting married √, repelling √, white water raftng √, holding a kaola √, petting a Kangeroon √, cracking a whip √, skinny dipping √, jumping off a cliff √, taking a risk √, laughing to the point of tears √, chopping down a Christmas tree √, connecting with my parents √, hearing God's voice √, holding a new born baby √, watching a Big sister meet her little brother for the first time √, talking to my older brothers √, watching my little brother graduate √, snorkeling √, feeling God's presence √, going to watch Christmas lights √, being suprised √, crying tears of joy √, leading someone to Christ √, going to Australia √, feeling accepted √, being stronger than you ever thought possible √, letting go √, feeling wanted √, making an amazing cupcake √, fighting for what you know is right √, riding a roller coaster √, driving a stick shift √, singing well in front of people √, owning a kitten, being an aunt √, kissing in the rain √, canning √, leading worship √, being a sister √, doing a good job √, realizing how blessed I am √.......living √.
The list goes on and on, but the same thing is being said: It doesn't matter what I want to do, where I want to go, or what I want to be. What matters is what I've done and what I am doing. I. AM. SO. BLESSED! I have done more and experienced more in my 22 years of life than most will ever experience. The things I've experienced may not be what I wanted or thought I needed, but they have brought me to this exact moment and for that I am very grateful.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Here we go again....
Not really sure how much sense this blog will make since I am on a fair amount of meds and the pressure on my brain tends to make my I.Q. drop, I swear. BUT anyhow, here we go again. Surgery.... that word that makes my blood pressure raise, my heart speed up, and makes me want to vomit. However, it seems that my body really enjoys surgery....and longs for that stench of hospital smell....and likes it when I cant wash my flippin hair!
So the question of the last 2 years....WHY? Why, why, why, why, why?
The answer... I DON'T KNOW! But, God does! And I have faith, apparently more than I realized. More than I thought I was humanly possible of having, and I trust! That's right, me, full of trust issues and what not does trust with all her heart that God is in control and has a perfect plan & will work this all for good. Why?
Because the Bible tells me so...alright this IS true. But, because I couldn't do this without that faith and trust. So, I guess it is kind of a selfish reason I believe that everything works for good, but I do not care if it's selfish. Because I keep getting told to be selfish and being unselfish hasn't worked for me, so let's try something new!
Deep breath.... this is life. I guess that's the hard part, we all have our things, and I am grateful for my "thing." I AM! I am!
So one more time into the cold surgical room, one more time under that dang knife, one more time.....and let's hope its the last time....please God? I tap out and give in...
I can do this one more time... because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...
So the question of the last 2 years....WHY? Why, why, why, why, why?
The answer... I DON'T KNOW! But, God does! And I have faith, apparently more than I realized. More than I thought I was humanly possible of having, and I trust! That's right, me, full of trust issues and what not does trust with all her heart that God is in control and has a perfect plan & will work this all for good. Why?
Because the Bible tells me so...alright this IS true. But, because I couldn't do this without that faith and trust. So, I guess it is kind of a selfish reason I believe that everything works for good, but I do not care if it's selfish. Because I keep getting told to be selfish and being unselfish hasn't worked for me, so let's try something new!
Deep breath.... this is life. I guess that's the hard part, we all have our things, and I am grateful for my "thing." I AM! I am!
So one more time into the cold surgical room, one more time under that dang knife, one more time.....and let's hope its the last time....please God? I tap out and give in...
I can do this one more time... because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...
Monday, November 14, 2011
Taking back my health!
Taking back my health!
Starting this day, November 14, 2011, I will take my health back! I will do everything in my power to get healthy, not skinny, not loose weight, but get healthy. I will not be discouraged if I gain weight or the scale doesn’t budge because that is not what this is about. I am ready to be healthy again…
My body is a beautiful creation of God and I would never mistreat any creation of God the way I mistreat my body. I will make healthy food choices, knowing that sometimes I will fail, knowing that sometimes I will just want Taco Bell and there will be no stopping me! But, when I am done stuffing my face with chemicals and fats I will get right back on track and not beat myself up or give up.
I will choose to spend the extra money on organic, when I can, because I am worth that extra money and this creation is worth taking care of. I will fight for this, even on the days when I do not want to take care of myself I will push through because I CAN do it.
I will exercise AT LEAST 3 times a week for an hour each time, this can mean walking, this can mean running, this can mean Dance Central…but I will get in 3 hours of exercise each week…and more if possible!
I will let my DVR fill up, because I will be so busy moving: playing fetch with the girls, cleaning, and dancing that I will not have any desire to watch more than an hour of t.v. each night. I will allow myself to fail sometimes, with a good movie or a Saturday morning of snuggles with the girls, but it will be ok.
I will try to choose foods that I know where they come from, try to choose whole grains, try to choose organic…. When this is not possible I will not binge or stress I will simply move on.
I will do all of this and get my body healthy because I want to treat this gift that was given to me right. But, I will also be doing this because I want to be the best wife I can be, I want to be the best servant I can be, and I want to be the best mom I can be. I want to be around and healthy for my family & instill good eating habits in my future children, who no doubt will struggle with weight as well. I will do this not only to give thanks to God, but because being a good servant means taking care of the gifts we are given.
I WILL SUCCEED!
Succeeding doesn’t mean being a size 2, or being perfect, but constantly trying to be as healthy as I can be. I know that it will take time, I will not instantly feel healthy, I will not instantly love this new lifestyle, but with patience and time I will love what this decision has done for me.
I am a gift from God, created in His perfect image and I need to take care of my gifts! I will succeed, because I am worth it!
Friday, October 14, 2011
Never Alone
My wonderful husband has been working over in Eureka so I have been a single lady during the week. As lame as it can be to be home alone I have not really cared. Well, last night I had some awful, dreams. This freaked me out! The one that really scared me dealt with someone trying to break into my room & trying to hurt me. On the other side of the door they kept saying "all alone, all alone." I was scared to death when I woke up, to the point of shivering and tears. It was very obvious this was an attack on me, just from the feeling of the dream & what the dreams consisted of and so naturally I called out to God.
I opened up my Bible to Psalm 1, read about half the book and God gave me verse after verse letting me know He was my shield and that I could sleep in peace. With not being able to sleep anyways lately I was especially emotional and could not stop shaking. I jumped in the shower to see if I could calm down and stop shivering. I was calling out to God and thanking Him for all He does and gives and for being my shield. Then in a soft voice that I have never heard was a whisper "You are never alone! I am ALWAYS with you!"
Instantly I started crying and realized that God is always with me and I don't sleep alone ever because He is always right there next to me. I have not been really "feeling" God in the way that I wanted, was kind of being numb, but starving for that "feeling." I have never, at least knowingly, heard God clearly speak to me. This was very obviously God, though.
So, God is my roomie...that's right I have the best room mate ever! He is always here with me, protecting me and my pets. Caring about the fact that I am wanting to hear Him, caring about my shaking body and fearful tears. I still didn't get much sleep and I had every light in the house on with worship music playing, but I had a peace knowing that I had God whispering in my ear and protecting all the was in my house.
It's good to be reminded that God has our back & will never abandon us.
I opened up my Bible to Psalm 1, read about half the book and God gave me verse after verse letting me know He was my shield and that I could sleep in peace. With not being able to sleep anyways lately I was especially emotional and could not stop shaking. I jumped in the shower to see if I could calm down and stop shivering. I was calling out to God and thanking Him for all He does and gives and for being my shield. Then in a soft voice that I have never heard was a whisper "You are never alone! I am ALWAYS with you!"
Instantly I started crying and realized that God is always with me and I don't sleep alone ever because He is always right there next to me. I have not been really "feeling" God in the way that I wanted, was kind of being numb, but starving for that "feeling." I have never, at least knowingly, heard God clearly speak to me. This was very obviously God, though.
So, God is my roomie...that's right I have the best room mate ever! He is always here with me, protecting me and my pets. Caring about the fact that I am wanting to hear Him, caring about my shaking body and fearful tears. I still didn't get much sleep and I had every light in the house on with worship music playing, but I had a peace knowing that I had God whispering in my ear and protecting all the was in my house.
It's good to be reminded that God has our back & will never abandon us.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Fact
Fact: Life is really hard
Fact: I don't always feel God when times get hard
Lie: God isn't there because I don't feel Him
Surgery #3 for the year, 3rd times the charm right? O I pray that is the truth! This surgery has been a lot harder on me than the other 2 and it was supposed to be the easiest out of all of them. It has been easy to look at how everything was worked out by God from the private hospital room when I needed it the most to the fact that Gabe was scheduled to work in town during the whole event, but facts are not the same as feelings. Laying in bed for 3 weeks often gives me way too much time to think and I start wondering about where my life is going & if there is a different plan for me. So many questions and I have been asking them for about 5 months, not stressing on any of them just happy to be healthy. Well, here I am healing again, realizing that this is something I am going to have to go through multiple times in my life. All those questions seem like far off dreams because I will never truly be healthy....
But I just realized that my questions might not be realistic,and that fact hit me like a blow to the head, literally. So, naturally I have really been seeking & leaning on God, when we feel lost we tend to lean extra hard. Normally we go through these times where we feel lost or don't feel God there & than we break down the wall that we built and run into our Father's arms crying. I am just having a hard time breaking down the wall because I have buried myself under it. Why do I do that? Why do I not put all my trust in God? Why do I think my way is better & throw a fit when I don't get the answer I want when I want it?
Now, don't get me wrong, God has blessed my husband & I in so many ways in this past year, and I KNOW He has been here through it all, I KNOW He is listening to me and walking by my side...so why do I not feel Him? I like to think of it like when you are learning to walk how our parents are walking with us, arms ready to catch us when we fall, our parents weren't touching us, we couldn't feel them but they were right there & all we had to do was turn around and ask to be picked up. Trusting that God is right there, ready to pick me up if I would just ask is so dang hard though! I listen to the lie that He won't be there, that I am not good enough for Him to waste His time on my silly problems.
I often push back against the lies & challenge them by praying and trying to listen, but you can't hear God under a brick wall. Just because I can't hear Him doesn't mean He isn't talking. Just because I can't feel Him through the wall doesn't mean He isn't right there ready for me to break through. I choose to not listen to the lie that I am not good enough for my God to miss, I choose to not listen to the lie that my questions are just dreams. God gives us desires for a reason, if He didn't want me to dream He wouldn't have given me such a crazy & active imagination. It's hard to hear God's truth when the lies are being screamed in our ear, but if we can ignore those lies we can hear Him saying "I love you, you are enough, get back up again, your sins are gone, I love YOU, YOU are my everything!" and with that being said by our Heavenly Father we won't be buried for long.
So,I keep hitting the wall, I keep fighting for it to crumble so that I can climb out and feel the love that God has been pouring out on me, so I can hear the sweet words He has been saying to me all along. Trust that God is right there, trust that He is allowing us to go through hard times because He wants us to be more, He loves us so much that He wants something so much greater for us than a life of just butterflies & rainbows can give.
Deep cries to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves & breakers have swept over me Psalms 42: 7...
Fact: I don't always feel God when times get hard
Lie: God isn't there because I don't feel Him
Surgery #3 for the year, 3rd times the charm right? O I pray that is the truth! This surgery has been a lot harder on me than the other 2 and it was supposed to be the easiest out of all of them. It has been easy to look at how everything was worked out by God from the private hospital room when I needed it the most to the fact that Gabe was scheduled to work in town during the whole event, but facts are not the same as feelings. Laying in bed for 3 weeks often gives me way too much time to think and I start wondering about where my life is going & if there is a different plan for me. So many questions and I have been asking them for about 5 months, not stressing on any of them just happy to be healthy. Well, here I am healing again, realizing that this is something I am going to have to go through multiple times in my life. All those questions seem like far off dreams because I will never truly be healthy....
But I just realized that my questions might not be realistic,and that fact hit me like a blow to the head, literally. So, naturally I have really been seeking & leaning on God, when we feel lost we tend to lean extra hard. Normally we go through these times where we feel lost or don't feel God there & than we break down the wall that we built and run into our Father's arms crying. I am just having a hard time breaking down the wall because I have buried myself under it. Why do I do that? Why do I not put all my trust in God? Why do I think my way is better & throw a fit when I don't get the answer I want when I want it?
Now, don't get me wrong, God has blessed my husband & I in so many ways in this past year, and I KNOW He has been here through it all, I KNOW He is listening to me and walking by my side...so why do I not feel Him? I like to think of it like when you are learning to walk how our parents are walking with us, arms ready to catch us when we fall, our parents weren't touching us, we couldn't feel them but they were right there & all we had to do was turn around and ask to be picked up. Trusting that God is right there, ready to pick me up if I would just ask is so dang hard though! I listen to the lie that He won't be there, that I am not good enough for Him to waste His time on my silly problems.
I often push back against the lies & challenge them by praying and trying to listen, but you can't hear God under a brick wall. Just because I can't hear Him doesn't mean He isn't talking. Just because I can't feel Him through the wall doesn't mean He isn't right there ready for me to break through. I choose to not listen to the lie that I am not good enough for my God to miss, I choose to not listen to the lie that my questions are just dreams. God gives us desires for a reason, if He didn't want me to dream He wouldn't have given me such a crazy & active imagination. It's hard to hear God's truth when the lies are being screamed in our ear, but if we can ignore those lies we can hear Him saying "I love you, you are enough, get back up again, your sins are gone, I love YOU, YOU are my everything!" and with that being said by our Heavenly Father we won't be buried for long.
So,I keep hitting the wall, I keep fighting for it to crumble so that I can climb out and feel the love that God has been pouring out on me, so I can hear the sweet words He has been saying to me all along. Trust that God is right there, trust that He is allowing us to go through hard times because He wants us to be more, He loves us so much that He wants something so much greater for us than a life of just butterflies & rainbows can give.
Deep cries to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves & breakers have swept over me Psalms 42: 7...
Monday, May 23, 2011
Opps! I forgot!
What! All of the sudden all my ideas, plans, & thoughts about my future have taken a turn. Not like it is all happening right now, but I kind of am in a weird spot. Being sick totally made me appreciate living life! It made me realize how fun it is to clean my house and how great a lick on the cheek can feel from your overly excited lab. I feel like I need to waste up for the last year that was spent on the couch, drugged up. I appreciate life so much more and have no desire to waste it on certain things, and have a strong desire to jump head first into others.
Last year before I even had my appendectomy I was enrolled in Physiology. I was very overwhelmed with going to school on my lunch break and actually having to comprehend things I never knew. I dropped, it ended up being a good thing because I got appendicitis and would have failed from missing so much class. So, in the fall I started taking Anatomy, it consumed my life! Even though I was sick I was going to make it through, until the short term memory loss started and I found out I had the brain cysts...o.k. fine I dropped again. I went to sign up for it again this year and was actually dreading it... plus I can't even get on the wait list of 30 people because I am a returning student. Think I would have gotten the hint then, but NO! I am a little bit dense sometimes.
As silly as it sounds the many suggestions of starting a gourmet cupcake business have sparked my interests. I never would have thought I would have ever entertained the idea in a million years, but it sounds so perfect! I was being frustrated with not being able to enroll in classes today when I remembered something Tiff said to me last year when I started Physio and Anatomy, if you cant do it maybe you are supposed to be doing something else. I scoffed at the idea both times, thinking of course I can do it, just try and stop me. Um, well, God kind of did stop me.
I have always had a dream of being involved in physical therapy, since I was 6! At first it was to get a master's degree, but I soon realized working full time and getting my masters was going to take far too long. So then it was my BA, but then I realized it would involve lots of traveling and yet again it would be a long time before I would be able to get that degree. Ok, fine then how about athletic training, still not sure on this one, but looks like Shasta College no longer offers those classes! What they hay! Oh, wait, I forgot to ask God! Opps! I never have one time said "God what career have you chosen for me?" I have asked for Gabe many times, but never myself. How foolish! I just always assumed that I had these dreams of physical therapy because it was what I was supposed to do with my life. But, maybe not... maybe I had these dreams because it is where I am supposed to be now. I have an awesome job, with insurance, and vacation time. It pays the bills and I love what I do, but maybe it is not supposed to be my career.
Now, I am not saying my career is supposed to be a gourmet cupcake business, although that would rock, but maybe it is something I never thought of... So, I am now taking some pre-reqs in the fall, and a business class I think...like I said I can't register yet. I really love the idea of this though! It interests me, and I can take the classes all online, so I won't be overwhelmed!
Gabe & I have recently realized there are a few things we forgot to ask God about when we planned them out, and that was pretty silly. We are bringing those things to God now, asking Him what His plan is. You would think we would have learned that a long time ago, but like I said I am dense apparently or maybe it is just stubborn. Either way I am asking now, and doing my best to listen...who knows maybe I will end up a P.T. someday or maybe I will end up the cupcake queen, but right now I am happy at this place and will do my best to patiently wait for an answer.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
Last year before I even had my appendectomy I was enrolled in Physiology. I was very overwhelmed with going to school on my lunch break and actually having to comprehend things I never knew. I dropped, it ended up being a good thing because I got appendicitis and would have failed from missing so much class. So, in the fall I started taking Anatomy, it consumed my life! Even though I was sick I was going to make it through, until the short term memory loss started and I found out I had the brain cysts...o.k. fine I dropped again. I went to sign up for it again this year and was actually dreading it... plus I can't even get on the wait list of 30 people because I am a returning student. Think I would have gotten the hint then, but NO! I am a little bit dense sometimes.
As silly as it sounds the many suggestions of starting a gourmet cupcake business have sparked my interests. I never would have thought I would have ever entertained the idea in a million years, but it sounds so perfect! I was being frustrated with not being able to enroll in classes today when I remembered something Tiff said to me last year when I started Physio and Anatomy, if you cant do it maybe you are supposed to be doing something else. I scoffed at the idea both times, thinking of course I can do it, just try and stop me. Um, well, God kind of did stop me.
I have always had a dream of being involved in physical therapy, since I was 6! At first it was to get a master's degree, but I soon realized working full time and getting my masters was going to take far too long. So then it was my BA, but then I realized it would involve lots of traveling and yet again it would be a long time before I would be able to get that degree. Ok, fine then how about athletic training, still not sure on this one, but looks like Shasta College no longer offers those classes! What they hay! Oh, wait, I forgot to ask God! Opps! I never have one time said "God what career have you chosen for me?" I have asked for Gabe many times, but never myself. How foolish! I just always assumed that I had these dreams of physical therapy because it was what I was supposed to do with my life. But, maybe not... maybe I had these dreams because it is where I am supposed to be now. I have an awesome job, with insurance, and vacation time. It pays the bills and I love what I do, but maybe it is not supposed to be my career.
Now, I am not saying my career is supposed to be a gourmet cupcake business, although that would rock, but maybe it is something I never thought of... So, I am now taking some pre-reqs in the fall, and a business class I think...like I said I can't register yet. I really love the idea of this though! It interests me, and I can take the classes all online, so I won't be overwhelmed!
Gabe & I have recently realized there are a few things we forgot to ask God about when we planned them out, and that was pretty silly. We are bringing those things to God now, asking Him what His plan is. You would think we would have learned that a long time ago, but like I said I am dense apparently or maybe it is just stubborn. Either way I am asking now, and doing my best to listen...who knows maybe I will end up a P.T. someday or maybe I will end up the cupcake queen, but right now I am happy at this place and will do my best to patiently wait for an answer.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
If you want to hear God laugh...
So, I love the country song that says something along the lines of "if you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans." So true! I am a planner, hate surprises! I look toward the next step whether its planning every minute of my weekend or the next 30 years, I have it all planned out. God has to laugh at my ideas and goals sometimes because they are so not his plans half the time. When I was a freshman and pretty much through my junior year I was dead set on Australia, I was going to live there for at least a few months, get a job, go to school, and maybe never leave. Then my wonderful husband came into my life...silly boys they ruin everything. But, God knew far in advance I would never live in Australia and he had such a better plan for me, one where I would be loved and would have a family that doubled in size and I would have a place I could never imagine leaving.
I am thankful I don't know everything that is to come sometimes, if you would have told me a boy would have kept me from Australia I would have laughed you out of the room, but ya know what I never thought there was a boy like Gabe out there. God has showed me and us that our plans are just silly and that we need to stop making them, or at least stop being surprised when they don't work. From looking for a house to my plans to stay healthy, God has known what the future would hold, and let me say his plan is SO much better!
I have been trying to go to school since I graduated, wanting a degree... thinking of running a physical therapy business, dreaming of being a successful therapist that people talk about all over. Well, yeah that would take like 12 years with working full time and traveling down to Sac and back for half of that adventure. Not to mention I am way behind thanks to all my surgeries and being sick so much. Now, I have NO desire to do that anymore, ya know what I want to be successful at? Being a great wife and an awesome mama someday Never thought I would ever say that, but that sounds way more satisfying.
Gabe was supposed to graduate with a degree that would throw him into a great career, come to find out that degree would have thrown us in the city (EWWW!) and to boot there is no work right now for that career.
O life! I honestly never thought I would be here. Living this life. I never thought I would have been through so much by 22 & be what I like to think of as kind of an adult. I never thought I would have experienced God so much not only for myself, but with my husband as well. Never thought I would long for a career that involved baking cupcakes! Never thought life could be so good! God knew! Every moment was planned by God. From the songs on the radio to the conversation my husband and I have been having all night.
So what is next God? What is the next step? The next adventure my husband & I get to go on with you in this crazy life? Is it a gourmet cupcake business? Is it a real yard for our house? You just let me know God & I will do my best to listen and trust that your plan is way better.
As for those next 30 years, I have no clue what they hold. All the plans I had for them have changed drastically & I do not even have a clue of what to try & plan in them. My life is at a place I have never been comfortable with, it is not planned, it is not micromanaged, it is happening. I am living it day by day and taking on the adventure as it comes. I do not know what tomorrow holds, or what opportunities will arise. I do know God is control, he has my life mapped out, and that means the road has got to be a pretty good one.
I am thankful I don't know everything that is to come sometimes, if you would have told me a boy would have kept me from Australia I would have laughed you out of the room, but ya know what I never thought there was a boy like Gabe out there. God has showed me and us that our plans are just silly and that we need to stop making them, or at least stop being surprised when they don't work. From looking for a house to my plans to stay healthy, God has known what the future would hold, and let me say his plan is SO much better!
I have been trying to go to school since I graduated, wanting a degree... thinking of running a physical therapy business, dreaming of being a successful therapist that people talk about all over. Well, yeah that would take like 12 years with working full time and traveling down to Sac and back for half of that adventure. Not to mention I am way behind thanks to all my surgeries and being sick so much. Now, I have NO desire to do that anymore, ya know what I want to be successful at? Being a great wife and an awesome mama someday Never thought I would ever say that, but that sounds way more satisfying.
Gabe was supposed to graduate with a degree that would throw him into a great career, come to find out that degree would have thrown us in the city (EWWW!) and to boot there is no work right now for that career.
O life! I honestly never thought I would be here. Living this life. I never thought I would have been through so much by 22 & be what I like to think of as kind of an adult. I never thought I would have experienced God so much not only for myself, but with my husband as well. Never thought I would long for a career that involved baking cupcakes! Never thought life could be so good! God knew! Every moment was planned by God. From the songs on the radio to the conversation my husband and I have been having all night.
So what is next God? What is the next step? The next adventure my husband & I get to go on with you in this crazy life? Is it a gourmet cupcake business? Is it a real yard for our house? You just let me know God & I will do my best to listen and trust that your plan is way better.
As for those next 30 years, I have no clue what they hold. All the plans I had for them have changed drastically & I do not even have a clue of what to try & plan in them. My life is at a place I have never been comfortable with, it is not planned, it is not micromanaged, it is happening. I am living it day by day and taking on the adventure as it comes. I do not know what tomorrow holds, or what opportunities will arise. I do know God is control, he has my life mapped out, and that means the road has got to be a pretty good one.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Choices...
~2 Peter 1:10 So, friends, confirm God's invitation to you, His choice of you. Don't put it off; do it now. Do this, and you'll have your life on a firm footing,~
Not being a parent myself I often watch parents & how they handle their children. My sister and brother -in-law are 2 of my favorite people to watch parent. Their children aren't perfect, and God really makes them work hard, but they have instilled the value of choices in their children from a very young age. Whenever their parents will tell my niece or nephew to do something you can see their little minds churning on whether to obey or not. When this happens my sister or brother will say "Make good choices." Something so simple, yet we often forget that it is our choice on how we handle a situation, and we often choose what the outcome may be.
Now my sweet neice and nephew may choose to not listen and then they get punished. If they choose to listen there is often a reward, whether it be praise for making that good choice or the opportunity to get do something so much more fun than time out. Either way the outcome of the situation is their choice, and it is not their parents fault if they choose not to listen.
As we grow up we have to make a lot of choices, from the insignificant what to eat for dinner or to the big choices like buying a house or getting married. With all this big choices we make, I think we often forget that everyday we get the opportunity to make lots of small choices. It is not everyday that you get married, buy a house, get a puppy, or make some huge decision like that. When we do have things like this in our life most people who believe in Jesus will pray and ask for guidance in making those decisions. They choose to ask God for help in these big choices. So, often we see these choices as the ones that will change our life, the ones that we better make sure are right.
Today I realized that we are fooling ourselves in thinking this way. Yes, we need to bring these "big" choices to God and ask for guidance, but we really really need to bring the "small" ones to him too; because ultimately they change our daily lives. Everyday we should start out with the attitude of "I choose to make today a good day and to live it walking the path God has laid out for me." Imagine the possibilities if we would take that 3 minutes to ask God what he wants from us that day and if we choose to listen and obey.
We all have those days, the ones where we wake up on the wrong side of the bed, where we just know it is going to be a bad day. On those days we choose to make the day awful, it wouldn't matter if we won a million dollars on those days, we would still re-tell that day as being the worst day ever until we won that money. Then there are those days where we wake up feeling great, all our clothes look amazing on us, our hair does just what we want, the person in front of us at Starbucks buys our drink because they think we are cute, our favorite song plays on the way to work, and we hit every green light. Awesome start to a day right? If we look at those days though we would see that we started it out by deciding it was going to be a good day; and even if it went down hill quickly after that we would still have had an okay day.
My mom used to always come in my room after I had a bad day and make me list at least 5 good things that had happened that day. She taught we to choose to focus on the good and to not dwell on the bad. Those days always stuck with me because I had to learn how to make a good choice, so to speak. If we start out each day choosing to make it a good day that glorifies the Lord and ended each day choosing to see the good things and ignoring the bad, we would be pretty darn happy and see that we are amazingly blessed.
We are so blessed that God gave us free will, that he gave Adam & Eve the choice to obey or to eat that forbidden fruit. Now, unfortunately they made a bad choice and there was a consequence for it, one that we all have to pay for. Didn't it seem like that was such a small choice though? To take a bite of that apple or to obey, what could such a "small" choice possibly do? God gave us the choice to accept Christ into our lives, to repent for our sins, to live a life that has God at the center instead of ourselves. Aren't we so blessed that we can make that choice?
"Small" choices can affect our lives just as greatly as "big" ones. So, let's choose to ask God for guidance in every choice we make, in every step we take, and in everyday we are blessed enough to live. We all need to remember to make good choices...
SIDE NOTE:
~Pslams 16:5 "My choice is you, God, first and only. And now I find I'm your choice"~
God has made an amazing choice, one none of use deserves and that is that He chose you! You are his beloved and He chose to sacrifice His son for you. How awesome is that!?!? One of the things I have realized in my marriage, a thing that can always make me smile is that my wonderful husband chose me! He picked me! Not me 10 lbs skinnier, or me who will eventually learn how too cook, he chose me me just the way I am. If that choice made by my husband can make my heart fill with joy, imagine the realization that God chose me for me! That God chose you, you just the way you are, not only that but He loves you so much that He gave you the choice to chose Him!
Not being a parent myself I often watch parents & how they handle their children. My sister and brother -in-law are 2 of my favorite people to watch parent. Their children aren't perfect, and God really makes them work hard, but they have instilled the value of choices in their children from a very young age. Whenever their parents will tell my niece or nephew to do something you can see their little minds churning on whether to obey or not. When this happens my sister or brother will say "Make good choices." Something so simple, yet we often forget that it is our choice on how we handle a situation, and we often choose what the outcome may be.
Now my sweet neice and nephew may choose to not listen and then they get punished. If they choose to listen there is often a reward, whether it be praise for making that good choice or the opportunity to get do something so much more fun than time out. Either way the outcome of the situation is their choice, and it is not their parents fault if they choose not to listen.
As we grow up we have to make a lot of choices, from the insignificant what to eat for dinner or to the big choices like buying a house or getting married. With all this big choices we make, I think we often forget that everyday we get the opportunity to make lots of small choices. It is not everyday that you get married, buy a house, get a puppy, or make some huge decision like that. When we do have things like this in our life most people who believe in Jesus will pray and ask for guidance in making those decisions. They choose to ask God for help in these big choices. So, often we see these choices as the ones that will change our life, the ones that we better make sure are right.
Today I realized that we are fooling ourselves in thinking this way. Yes, we need to bring these "big" choices to God and ask for guidance, but we really really need to bring the "small" ones to him too; because ultimately they change our daily lives. Everyday we should start out with the attitude of "I choose to make today a good day and to live it walking the path God has laid out for me." Imagine the possibilities if we would take that 3 minutes to ask God what he wants from us that day and if we choose to listen and obey.
We all have those days, the ones where we wake up on the wrong side of the bed, where we just know it is going to be a bad day. On those days we choose to make the day awful, it wouldn't matter if we won a million dollars on those days, we would still re-tell that day as being the worst day ever until we won that money. Then there are those days where we wake up feeling great, all our clothes look amazing on us, our hair does just what we want, the person in front of us at Starbucks buys our drink because they think we are cute, our favorite song plays on the way to work, and we hit every green light. Awesome start to a day right? If we look at those days though we would see that we started it out by deciding it was going to be a good day; and even if it went down hill quickly after that we would still have had an okay day.
My mom used to always come in my room after I had a bad day and make me list at least 5 good things that had happened that day. She taught we to choose to focus on the good and to not dwell on the bad. Those days always stuck with me because I had to learn how to make a good choice, so to speak. If we start out each day choosing to make it a good day that glorifies the Lord and ended each day choosing to see the good things and ignoring the bad, we would be pretty darn happy and see that we are amazingly blessed.
We are so blessed that God gave us free will, that he gave Adam & Eve the choice to obey or to eat that forbidden fruit. Now, unfortunately they made a bad choice and there was a consequence for it, one that we all have to pay for. Didn't it seem like that was such a small choice though? To take a bite of that apple or to obey, what could such a "small" choice possibly do? God gave us the choice to accept Christ into our lives, to repent for our sins, to live a life that has God at the center instead of ourselves. Aren't we so blessed that we can make that choice?
"Small" choices can affect our lives just as greatly as "big" ones. So, let's choose to ask God for guidance in every choice we make, in every step we take, and in everyday we are blessed enough to live. We all need to remember to make good choices...
SIDE NOTE:
~Pslams 16:5 "My choice is you, God, first and only. And now I find I'm your choice"~
God has made an amazing choice, one none of use deserves and that is that He chose you! You are his beloved and He chose to sacrifice His son for you. How awesome is that!?!? One of the things I have realized in my marriage, a thing that can always make me smile is that my wonderful husband chose me! He picked me! Not me 10 lbs skinnier, or me who will eventually learn how too cook, he chose me me just the way I am. If that choice made by my husband can make my heart fill with joy, imagine the realization that God chose me for me! That God chose you, you just the way you are, not only that but He loves you so much that He gave you the choice to chose Him!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Bring it! 2 Timothy 3:10-17
I went through a lot of verses today, I wanted to write on gifts, or love, or patience; but this is what came out instead....
BRING IT!!!!!
2 Timothy 3:10-13
"You've been a good apprentice to me, a part of my teaching, my manner of life, direction, faith, steadiness, love, patience, troubles, sufferings-suffering along with me in all the grief I had to put up with in Antioch, Iconium, and Lystra. And you also well know that God rescued me! Anyone who wants to live all out for Christ is in for a lot of trouble; there's no getting around it. Unscrupulous con men will continue to exploit the faith. They're as deceived as the people they lead astray. As long as they are out there, things can only get worse."
This makes me laugh, I can not help but realize how true it is. As followers of Christ we ask for it! The prayer for accepting Christ should be ended with "Bring it on satan! I can take it because I have Christ on my side!" I was talking with some beautiful, skinny, smart, sassy women today about how frustrating it can be when you think you have done exactly what God has asked of you & yet it seems like you just can't win! It was said by a wonderful woman who is much wiser than me that if that was true, if all it took was doing good and trying to do what God wanted than children would never get cancer, children would never suffer. So dang true! What did they do to deserve that suffering? NOTHING! That's the point, we aren't being punished, God doesn't allow us to go through things because we told that lie, because we broke a commandment. No, we go through that suffering because satan hates that we love Jesus so much! And if that's the case I appreciate the suffering I went through because it means satan is threatened by my love for Jesus, by what God has planned for me!
2 Timonthy 13-17
"But don't let it faze you. Stick with what you learned and believed, sure of the integrity of your teachers -why, you took in the sacred Scriptures with your mother's milk! There's nothing like the written Word of God for showing you the way to salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.Every part of Scripture is God-breathed and useful one way or another-showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God's way. Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us."
Yeah! Don't let it faze you! Pick yourself up and brush off that hurt, that shame, that hopelessness. You know why? Because Jesus Christ is our Savior! Because the Bible IS sacred scripture & each word is God-breathed! Because no matter what satan throws at us, what the world throws at us, whatever trials we go through, we go through them because we asked for it! We said "BRING IT!"
I can honestly say I do not know a true Christian out there that would give up God so that they would never be tested. The gift of knowing Jesus is so precious and so amazing that it is worth it. So worth it! I mean honestly look back on that hardest moment you have ever had to go through, go to that low, dark place where satan dragged you into the pits of depression and you honestly did not want to go on, think of that pain... Now, think of a mountain top experience that you have had with God, it doesn't even have to be the best one, just an amazing experience that let you know God was there. Isn't that deep, dark hurt so worth the amazing, fantastic, wonderful love God gives? I know it is for me!
My relationship with God is not perfect by any means. I struggle with a lot of things, I forget that I am not the one in charge and try to take control, sometimes I think I am big man on campus and forget to let God lead me. However, the best part of God is he loves me anyways! He laughs at my hurry to get to the next step in life, he rolls his eyes at my foolishness and he is such a great Daddy that he lets me run ahead sometimes. But, when I trip in that hole that I didn't see because I was in too big of a hurry to follow, he is there to catch me. Sometimes he even lets me fall, and I skin my knee, but he always scoops me up and kisses my boo-boo. He never leaves me! He never gives up on us! He never ever stops loving us, his love does not lessen because we didn't obey, he loves us the same no matter how stupid we are! and THANK GOD for that!
So, in conclusion I am not asking for another trial! I really want to enjoy this living thing again! However, when I look back on this trial, and all the others I have gone through I can appreciate them. I can see that it probably wasn't because I was sinning, there wasn't necessarily something I needed to correct, it may have been because I am a threat! Because my love for Jesus scares satan and I just have to say that is pretty cool! And when I get the chance to lead someone to Jesus Christ again I am definitely adding a "BRING IT! I CAN HANDLE IT! I HAVE JESUS CHRIST ON MY SIDE!"
BRING IT!!!!!
2 Timothy 3:10-13
"You've been a good apprentice to me, a part of my teaching, my manner of life, direction, faith, steadiness, love, patience, troubles, sufferings-suffering along with me in all the grief I had to put up with in Antioch, Iconium, and Lystra. And you also well know that God rescued me! Anyone who wants to live all out for Christ is in for a lot of trouble; there's no getting around it. Unscrupulous con men will continue to exploit the faith. They're as deceived as the people they lead astray. As long as they are out there, things can only get worse."
This makes me laugh, I can not help but realize how true it is. As followers of Christ we ask for it! The prayer for accepting Christ should be ended with "Bring it on satan! I can take it because I have Christ on my side!" I was talking with some beautiful, skinny, smart, sassy women today about how frustrating it can be when you think you have done exactly what God has asked of you & yet it seems like you just can't win! It was said by a wonderful woman who is much wiser than me that if that was true, if all it took was doing good and trying to do what God wanted than children would never get cancer, children would never suffer. So dang true! What did they do to deserve that suffering? NOTHING! That's the point, we aren't being punished, God doesn't allow us to go through things because we told that lie, because we broke a commandment. No, we go through that suffering because satan hates that we love Jesus so much! And if that's the case I appreciate the suffering I went through because it means satan is threatened by my love for Jesus, by what God has planned for me!
2 Timonthy 13-17
"But don't let it faze you. Stick with what you learned and believed, sure of the integrity of your teachers -why, you took in the sacred Scriptures with your mother's milk! There's nothing like the written Word of God for showing you the way to salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.Every part of Scripture is God-breathed and useful one way or another-showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God's way. Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us."
Yeah! Don't let it faze you! Pick yourself up and brush off that hurt, that shame, that hopelessness. You know why? Because Jesus Christ is our Savior! Because the Bible IS sacred scripture & each word is God-breathed! Because no matter what satan throws at us, what the world throws at us, whatever trials we go through, we go through them because we asked for it! We said "BRING IT!"
I can honestly say I do not know a true Christian out there that would give up God so that they would never be tested. The gift of knowing Jesus is so precious and so amazing that it is worth it. So worth it! I mean honestly look back on that hardest moment you have ever had to go through, go to that low, dark place where satan dragged you into the pits of depression and you honestly did not want to go on, think of that pain... Now, think of a mountain top experience that you have had with God, it doesn't even have to be the best one, just an amazing experience that let you know God was there. Isn't that deep, dark hurt so worth the amazing, fantastic, wonderful love God gives? I know it is for me!
My relationship with God is not perfect by any means. I struggle with a lot of things, I forget that I am not the one in charge and try to take control, sometimes I think I am big man on campus and forget to let God lead me. However, the best part of God is he loves me anyways! He laughs at my hurry to get to the next step in life, he rolls his eyes at my foolishness and he is such a great Daddy that he lets me run ahead sometimes. But, when I trip in that hole that I didn't see because I was in too big of a hurry to follow, he is there to catch me. Sometimes he even lets me fall, and I skin my knee, but he always scoops me up and kisses my boo-boo. He never leaves me! He never gives up on us! He never ever stops loving us, his love does not lessen because we didn't obey, he loves us the same no matter how stupid we are! and THANK GOD for that!
So, in conclusion I am not asking for another trial! I really want to enjoy this living thing again! However, when I look back on this trial, and all the others I have gone through I can appreciate them. I can see that it probably wasn't because I was sinning, there wasn't necessarily something I needed to correct, it may have been because I am a threat! Because my love for Jesus scares satan and I just have to say that is pretty cool! And when I get the chance to lead someone to Jesus Christ again I am definitely adding a "BRING IT! I CAN HANDLE IT! I HAVE JESUS CHRIST ON MY SIDE!"
Monday, April 18, 2011
Because I Want to be Soil ~ Romans 5:3-5
So, I decided to start blogging. Being stuck in bed for a few weeks gets your brain thinking and I decided that I would blog it out....so here goes nothin'
I have been blessed with some amazing family and friends in my life. Most of my family does not live in Redding, but they still have been able to influence me in so pretty amazing ways. I have one aunt that is actually blood related, men seem to dominate booth sides of my family. I am a combination of both my mom and aunt, physically and I like to think mentally too. So, today I woke up and could have just cried...here is a beautiful sunny day, a Monday, and my husband is off to work and I am stuck in bed....again. That's hard for me, not being able to look at the day and see what I can accomplish. I don't know why things happen, and after they are all done its easy to look back and see all the good things that came from it. However, I am frustrated by the fact that I started to get healthy again and then had it swept out from under me like some comical cartoon character who slips on a banana peel. Back to my point about my aunt, though, she left a message on my facebook today that had this verse: Romans 5:3-5, "We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."
Yeah yeah, OK she's right. Its funny when you are going through something and someone comes up to you and says they understand or try to help by telling you to think positive; you honestly want to shake them and yell "you don't have a clue!" Well, I cant say that to my beautiful aunt, she does have a clue; and I would be smart to take a page from her book. Not only has her husband been in and out of surgery for the last few years, he has had a lot harder surgeries and she has been there by his side for them all.
The hardest part of being ill for me is the people that I let down because I can't do the things I need to and want to do. My poor husband has been put through the ringer. When we got married we were young and all excited because that meant we could go on adventures and be newlyweds for a few years before we had kids. Well not even 3 years of marriage and he has been with me through 4 surgeries. Poor guy! I mean really, he must be frustrated. We did it all right, waiting until we were married to do all the things marriage gives, we asked God for his guidance and have made every decision by bringing it before God first. So it should all be easy right....?
Apparently not. That's part of the "deep cries to deep" I guess, God is preparing us for something extraordinary! I've said it before, this is how satan attacks me, my health is my weak spot. Unfortunately, health also brings financial troubles, less romance and adventure, stress, the future being put on hold, and lots of other little pains. So, health is a bad weak spot to have, I think my husband would agree...
So now for the Epiphany..."CRAP." That's right, crap... I am not going to say that I have enjoyed being sick for over a year, or all the surgeries because of what I've learned...because it's not true. I have hated with a passion every surgery I have had, every time I have had to step into a doctor's office, every pill that has been put into my body. I mean hate too, the kind that leaves a bad taste in your mouth, the kind that makes you throw a fit, the kind that keeps you up at night. All of it has been crap, I never wanted to know my toilet that well, or know what Diomox does. But crap can grow some pretty amazing things. Think about it, manure is just crap, yet when you mix it in with that once dull, nutrient-less soil it can grow some beautiful flowers, and veggies, and some green green grass. And that manure smells awful, it attracts flies, and even after we have showered we still can smell it on us.
When I think about it the last few years have been tough, but some beautiful things have grown in my life because of it. I no longer only grows weeds, I am no longer this life-less dry dirt, that sucks out nutrients from where ever I can. I am a rich, dark, earthy soil. When God scoops me up in his hands he takes a deep breath to suck in my rich smell. I know over time my soil may become dull and dry again. I may have to have some crap added into my life so that I can grow some gorgeous flowers, I am not going to like it, heck I will probably hate it. I hope that I will remember that God is the gardener and he will take the crap that satan throws at me and till it in to my hardened dirt and make me rich and fruitful. So I will rejoice in sufferings, not because I like what is happening or because having a positive attitude makes it that easier, but because I know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint me, because God has poured out His love into my heart by the Holy Spirit... If I could do it all over again would I choose to go through that suffering, HECK NO! However, I can look back on these 3 years and know it was not wasted, know that I am rich soil and now can be fruitful for the Lord, and that makes it easier understand...
I have been blessed with some amazing family and friends in my life. Most of my family does not live in Redding, but they still have been able to influence me in so pretty amazing ways. I have one aunt that is actually blood related, men seem to dominate booth sides of my family. I am a combination of both my mom and aunt, physically and I like to think mentally too. So, today I woke up and could have just cried...here is a beautiful sunny day, a Monday, and my husband is off to work and I am stuck in bed....again. That's hard for me, not being able to look at the day and see what I can accomplish. I don't know why things happen, and after they are all done its easy to look back and see all the good things that came from it. However, I am frustrated by the fact that I started to get healthy again and then had it swept out from under me like some comical cartoon character who slips on a banana peel. Back to my point about my aunt, though, she left a message on my facebook today that had this verse: Romans 5:3-5, "We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."
Yeah yeah, OK she's right. Its funny when you are going through something and someone comes up to you and says they understand or try to help by telling you to think positive; you honestly want to shake them and yell "you don't have a clue!" Well, I cant say that to my beautiful aunt, she does have a clue; and I would be smart to take a page from her book. Not only has her husband been in and out of surgery for the last few years, he has had a lot harder surgeries and she has been there by his side for them all.
The hardest part of being ill for me is the people that I let down because I can't do the things I need to and want to do. My poor husband has been put through the ringer. When we got married we were young and all excited because that meant we could go on adventures and be newlyweds for a few years before we had kids. Well not even 3 years of marriage and he has been with me through 4 surgeries. Poor guy! I mean really, he must be frustrated. We did it all right, waiting until we were married to do all the things marriage gives, we asked God for his guidance and have made every decision by bringing it before God first. So it should all be easy right....?
Apparently not. That's part of the "deep cries to deep" I guess, God is preparing us for something extraordinary! I've said it before, this is how satan attacks me, my health is my weak spot. Unfortunately, health also brings financial troubles, less romance and adventure, stress, the future being put on hold, and lots of other little pains. So, health is a bad weak spot to have, I think my husband would agree...
So now for the Epiphany..."CRAP." That's right, crap... I am not going to say that I have enjoyed being sick for over a year, or all the surgeries because of what I've learned...because it's not true. I have hated with a passion every surgery I have had, every time I have had to step into a doctor's office, every pill that has been put into my body. I mean hate too, the kind that leaves a bad taste in your mouth, the kind that makes you throw a fit, the kind that keeps you up at night. All of it has been crap, I never wanted to know my toilet that well, or know what Diomox does. But crap can grow some pretty amazing things. Think about it, manure is just crap, yet when you mix it in with that once dull, nutrient-less soil it can grow some beautiful flowers, and veggies, and some green green grass. And that manure smells awful, it attracts flies, and even after we have showered we still can smell it on us.
When I think about it the last few years have been tough, but some beautiful things have grown in my life because of it. I no longer only grows weeds, I am no longer this life-less dry dirt, that sucks out nutrients from where ever I can. I am a rich, dark, earthy soil. When God scoops me up in his hands he takes a deep breath to suck in my rich smell. I know over time my soil may become dull and dry again. I may have to have some crap added into my life so that I can grow some gorgeous flowers, I am not going to like it, heck I will probably hate it. I hope that I will remember that God is the gardener and he will take the crap that satan throws at me and till it in to my hardened dirt and make me rich and fruitful. So I will rejoice in sufferings, not because I like what is happening or because having a positive attitude makes it that easier, but because I know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint me, because God has poured out His love into my heart by the Holy Spirit... If I could do it all over again would I choose to go through that suffering, HECK NO! However, I can look back on these 3 years and know it was not wasted, know that I am rich soil and now can be fruitful for the Lord, and that makes it easier understand...
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